Isn’t that the “million dollar question” we’re all (as humanity) attempting to answer? Ladaisi says:
I know from personal experience that being asked to define oneself can be a daunting task, at best. Oddly enough, it feels as if it should be the easiest question to answer. After all, shouldn’t I know, better than anyone else, how to describe me?
I can identify. It seems as though it should be an easy question with an obvious answer. But it’s not! I think I only partly agree, though, with the quote that created her “aha!” moment:
You do not find yourself; you create yourself.
On the one hand, it’s true. We are not defined by our pasts, so there is always room to grow and change and stretch and shape ourselves toward what we ultimately aim to be. On the other hand, we are, at least in part, shaped by our past. Additionally, we are each created by God with certain inborn tendencies, gifts, strengths, weaknesses, passions, etc. and there is a (strong, in my opinion) degree to which we already are who we are – even if we can’t yet identify or put a name to it.
For this reason, I’m always fascinated by “systems” or methods that help people to recognize these patterns in themselves. Chazown was something like this. Right now, I’m working my way through Style Statement
What do you think? Do we find ourselves or create ourselves (or both)? Do you like to do these sorts of self-reflective exercises? Do you have a favorite?
Thanks for the link! You raise a thought-provoking question. I am a Christian as well, which is why I take this stance. We were created in the identity of God, with free will to choose. Although we may be born with genetic or pre-determined traits, we always have the free will to choose if and how they will make us who we’re going to be. Take forgiveness, for example. Forgiveness is something that doesn’t come naturally, especially when deeply wronged. But we can choose to forgive because we know it is right, rather than give in to the natural tendency of human nature: which naturally leans towards bitterness. It is easier to be bitter than forgive – but I am not going to “find” myself a bitter person, I am going to make forgiveness a part of who I am.
Every act of obedience to God, as a Christian, is a choice. We choose to allow ourselves to create and be created in his image.
Hope that makes sense.
I think I found a better way to describe this, actually! (This thought process has taken up a good deal of time, as you can see, haha.) The point is being aware of how our daily choices, no matter how big or small, will influence who we become. You do not just wake up one day with the knowledge of who you are; you take an active approach. You decide, this is who and what I want to be, so this is what I am going to do in order to get there. And that is the process of creating oneself.
This is even true of becoming a Christian. You do not come to the place of salvation and say, “Aha! I was a Christian all along and didn’t know it until just now, when I found myself.” You say, “I want to become a Christian, therefore I will choose to take such-and-so steps in order to do so.”
Finding oneself implies discovering something that was already there; creating oneself implies choosing who you want to be and making it happen. Granted, I can’t be the Christian I want to be without the grace of God, but I can choose to let him mold me.
I hope that makes sense.
I agree! (By the way, I love thought-provoking discussions like these.)
I see the process as having both elements. We can “find ourselves” in the sense of discovering what the gifts, passions, etc. are that God has placed in us. But then we “create ourselves” by making conscious choices to do the right thing at each step of the way (and here, by “right” I don’t necessarily mean morally right – ‘though hopefully that is also true! – but right for taking us the direction we want to go).
The first part can be helpful as a tool for more effectively doing the second part. Do we really know where we want to go – what it is we want to become – if we don’t even have a solid grasp of what we like? Or of what we’re already good at and what would need work if it’s to be a significant part of our lives?
Fashion is actually a pretty good illustration of real-life here! I can build whatever wardrobe I want. I can go to the mall and (assuming that I have the money 😉 ) buy whatever pieces I like. But what if I don’t know if I like dresses or pants, if I hate green or love it, if I prefer floral prints or geometrics? I’m still going to be lost or overwhelmed! First I have to stop and sort out: what colors do I like? What type of prints to I prefer? Do I like structured garments or flowy ones? Then I can go in and intentionally choose to buy those things and produce a wardrobe that I love.
So you’re right, when people say they’re “going off to find themselves,” it’s usually with a sense of fatalism that leaves the person behaving as though his choices are irrelevant. Not helpful! But self-discovery isn’t necessarily useless, either, when it is used as a tool, rather than an end in itself.
A well-thought out argument! I like the fashion example too!
I think a lot of young people head off into the world with the intent of “finding themselves in it,” not really realizing that their daily choices will actively play a role in who they become and what they find at the end of the day. This is still creating oneself, whether it is recognized or not.
I agree!