#3 in the 30 Things My Kids Should Know About Me series is to “describe [my] relationship with [my] spouse.”

Daddy & Me

I find this particular “assignment” a bit tricky, because it’s so broad.  What about our relationship?  How we met?  When we got married?  How we get along?  Who does what chores?  Okay, I’m being a little facetious, but you get the idea.  I’ve talked about our courtship before, and certain other questions are addressed more specifically in later topics.  So for now I’m going to give the very brief overview of how we met, married, etc. and then I’ll (try to) talk about now.

The Beginning

Michael and I met in early 1999 when I was invited by a friend to a Bible study he (Michael) was leading.  It’s a good thing I hadn’t gone away to school, or I wouldn’t have been around!  We were the only truly single folks in the study, but we were just friends for a long time.  I won’t tell you when/how that changed, or it will spoil my future post!  But we started courting in January 2000 (I think — might’ve been early February), were engaged April 13, and married on September 9, 2000.

The picture above is from our honeymoon trip to Maine the following May.  (We took a brief, mostly-local trip right after we got married, but saved the “big” trip for May, for the sake of schedule and finances.)  That’s Camden Harbor in the background.

For Better or for Worse

We’ve been through a lot in our 13 years together.  The first day Michael was at work and I was at home after our wedding, the water heater burst.  A couple days later, Michael got really sick.  That was kind of a foreshadowing of how things were to be: one thing after another.

We’ve been through the death of my grandfather, my aunt, and his dad.  We’ve lost two babies.  Of course, I’ve birthed four babies, too!  He’s had surgery.  I’ve had surgery.  9/11 happened.  Hurricane Isabel happened — and destroyed the place we’d been living at the time.  The Geo has hit a deer and been hit by an inattentive driver.  Several cars have broken down.

We’ve been through illnesses — both acute and chronic.  We’ve had to leave our church due to sin issues among leadership.  We’ve been ostracized by our church.  We’ve had CPS breathing down our neck (for far longer than legally permissible, I might add).  We’ve moved four times (twice if you only count cities/counties, rather than residences).

And yet, by the grace of God, we’re still standing.

Getting Along

This is no mean feat.  Our personalities are exactly backward for making a biblical marriage “easy.” (I realize that’s relative.  Marriage is hard work, regardless!)  I have about as strong a personality as they come, and a big mouth.  Michael is gentle and thoughtful and doesn’t really like to rock the boat.

Just having a conversation has taken practice!  My instinct is to feel like he takes forever to “spit it out,” while his is to feel like I argue with everything.  We’ve had to learn that these are just different approaches.  He speaks slowly because his words are measured — which is a good thing!  And I challenge everything because I can’t be settled in my own mind until I know I have the full explanation (not because I doubt what he’s already told me).

I have to step back and work to hold my tongue sometimes, to keep proper order in our home.  And he has to step up and make a stand sometimes even when it’s not comfortable.  But we do (mostly).

We bear with one another’s weaknesses (again — mostly; we are human, but God is growing us).  We supply our various strengths to fill in the gaps.  And we persevere.  Because no matter what “crap” we go through, it’s good to know that we are tackling it together.