Today is “Works for Me Wednesday.”  It’s also my ninth anniversary (on 9-9-9 – cool, isn’t it?).  So, I thought I’d talk about a few things that work for me in making our marriage work.  I’m not patting myself on the back here – I definitely don’t get everything right!  But, since this is “works for me Wednesday,” and not “doesn’t-work-for-me Wednesday,” this post is going to stick with the parts I (usually) do get right.

So here you go.

A few things that help our marriage work:

1. I help my husband.

I’ve never understood laments of those women who complain about having to help their husbands in little things, like picking up socks that almost made it into the hamper, but didn’t quite.  The common refrain is, “I’m not his slave.” But that’s actually pretty far from the mark.  No, we aren’t slaves, but we are servants to our husbands.

The Bible says that woman was made to be a helper well suited to man.  My primary function, after being a child of God, is to be a helper to my husband.  Some things may seem more obvious: helping him fulfill his job responsibilities, following up on health insurance leads, or making sure the bills get paid.  But service around the house, and to him personally, is helpful, too.  Keeping a clean and tidy house is one thing that can mean a lot to a man (and which I’m not very good at).  But I can also pick up his socks or bring him a glass of tea, and enjoy the fact that I am being used by God as a helper to my man.

2. I appreciate him – and I tell him so.

I thank him for working hard to make money to pay our bills.  I tell him I appreciate what he does for us around the house.  (Thank you, again, for painting my cabinets, Honey!)  I tell our girls what a wonderful daddy they have, and I let him know how proud I am to be his wife.  (Appreciating “manly” things like strength and provision are especially edifying to a man.)

3. I enjoy our time in the bedroom.

Now, don’t laugh or roll your eyes, ladies!  This goes along with number two.  Enjoying – not just tolerating – intimacy is an extremely eloquent way to communicate your appreciation for your man as a man. It speaks his language, and it speaks volumes!  He doesn’t just want to know that you will put up with him; he wants to know that you want him.  (This does not necessarily mean that you have to be “in the mood” every day or every night.  It’s an overall trend that makes a difference here.)

4. When he’s having a bad day, I don’t take it personally.

This is a hard one to be consistent at (for me, anyway), but believe me, it can make a big difference!  When he’s in a bad mood, he’s stressed, etc., if you can let harsh words or a harsh tone just roll off your back, life will go much smoother.  If you are not the source of the stress, then you can probably pretty well assume that you don’t need to hash it out with him; he’s just blowing off steam.  So wait it out, and it will pass.  (Remember “a gentle answer turns away wrath“!)  If you take it personally and get your feelings hurt, things will only escalate.

5. I am fully committed to this covenant that we made.

Quitting is not an option.  We’ve had some hard times – every couple has, or will sooner or later.  But the only option we will consider is, with God’s help, figuring it out and moving forward.

So there you go – a few things that, generally speaking, characterize my part of our marriage.  It must be working for me – we have nine years behind us.  And I look forward to the next nine – or fifty. 🙂