The difficulty of submission often comes in the nitty-gritty.  How do I submit?  How do I communicate respectfully with my husband, but still communicate?  One specific method that has worked well for me is questions.

There are times when, in order to be the help to my husband that he needs me to be, I have to remind him of something.  Now, first a disclaimer: I am not talking about “reminding” him of things that he doesn’t need or want a reminder of.  If, for instance, I decide that we should be doing something different for family devotions, but he doesn’t feel the same need, then “reminding” him isn’t really reminding; it’s nagging!

But what if he has decided he wants to do something new, and keeps forgetting at the appointed time?  We did this for a while; there was a devotional that he wanted to read at dinnertime, but he kept forgetting until after dinner.  (This was his idea, and he wanted to be reminded if I thought about it.)  In this instance, using a question works well.  “Honey, did you want to read Daily Light?”  This still leaves the decision comfortably in his hands.  He can say, “No, not tonight,” if he chooses to.  But he also has the option to proceed with the previously-forgotten task.  (It also allows him to save face.  Maybe he did remember, and just hadn’t gotten that far yet.  In that case, he can just say, “Yes.”)

I was reminded of this yesterday when we were on our way back from church.  We were planning to go to my parents’ for lunch, but at the intersection that is the “point of decision” for traveling to their home or ours, my hubby was operating in default mode.  That is, he was going to turn left (toward our house) out of habit.  I could have assumed this to be the case and told him he needed to go straight.  But maybe it was intentional.  Maybe he wanted to stop by our house for something first, or he needed to get gas.  So I simply asked, “Are you turning left on purpose?”  He immediately turned off his turn signal, thanked me for the reminder, and we went on to Mom and Dad’s.  But the question softened the reminder and left him in charge.

(Lest you think I’m claiming some “ideal wife” status or something, let me assure you that I get it wrong much more of the time than I would like.  But without specific illustrations, some of my readers might have had trouble “picturing” what I was describing.  I know I would have, as a reader.)