It has been a very hard year. Well, actually, it has been about a hard six years, for the most part, but the earlier four or five left me so depleted that this past year has really been a struggle. And my now-three-year-old is a whirlwind of difficulty that leaves me incessantly exhausted (physically, emotionally, and spiritually).
I just started reading You Can’t Make Me…But I can Be Persuaded, which is about strong-willed children, and boy, does it describe Sophia to a “T.” I have literally never seen any other child who is even remotely as strong-willed as Sophia, and it has my husband and me at a loss. Nothing that works with most other children works with Sophia. It feels like she is untrainable. I know that isn’t really true, but we have certainly not yet managed to figure out what will work to train her. I probably have a dozen child training books on my shelf – all helpfulo for Ariel – and not one of them speaks to this child at all.
In the meantime, we tried to “child-safe” the kitchen, because she has a tendency to get into food. All. the. time. I am constantly throwing things away and replacing them, and cleaning up messes, because she independently gets a snack (and she’s so fast I can’t keep up with her), and she doesn’t do it the “normal” way. For instance, she eats out of the quart container of yogurt rather than dishing it into a bowl, or she takes bites off of the end of an entire block of cheese. So we got a refrigerator lock, put a latch on the wall cupboard that contains snacks, and put one of those doorknob doohickies on the pantry – you know, the thing that spins around when a child tries to open it. Well, the refrigerator lock fell off. (I guess we need to find a brand with stronger adhesive than 3M.) But the really crazy thing: the morning after we put it on, Sophia came to me with the two halves of the doorknob doohickey in her hands. “I took it off.” !! That is Sophia, all right. She can’t open the door with it on, so she’ll just figure out how to take it off. (May it never be said that she is not resourceful or creative!)
In the midst of all this, I broke my computer. (Unfortunately, it’s related. Unfortunately, I got so mad I knocked over the desk and the LCD on the laptop broke.) We hooked it up to an external monitor and it works, but the external monitor is old and the display is weird. (For instance, most of the composition window for this blog post is half-covered by sidebars because my display is not wide enough.)
All of this has made it really hard to survive, much less blog. But this exhausted mama really needs the “me” time right now, and the opportunity to do something enjoyable, so hubby and I are trying to work out a solution that will allow me to blog more regularly, without neglecting the children or finding the house in shambles. (Perhaps a once-a-month trip to an internet café all by myself, which would also offer a much-needed break, but which would definitely require fixing or replacing the laptop.)
All that to say that…
1. Although my blogging has been sporadic lately, I really am working at finding a solution to that.
2. If you are struggling, hang in there, ’cause doggone it, if I can do this, ANYONE can. Really.
3. If you would like to pray for me/us, that would be most welcome, because I am, in my husband’s words, “beyond the end of my rope,” and I could sure use any prayers I can get. (And if you have any specific, concrete suggestions for parenting an extremely strong-willed, dig-in-my-heels-just-to-dig-in-my-heels-even-if-I-don’t-really-disagree-with-you preschooler, I would love to hear those, too.)
I understand having to deal with a difficult child, and it’s even harder when pregnant! My 4 y/o girl has been a challenge for us the last couple of years. Friends and family have commented on her “unique” personality, how they’ve never had to deal with a child like her. I’m convinced God will use her fiery personality for good in the future, but it’s hard to deal with now as her parents. But good news, and maybe some hope for you–we’ve started to see some positive changes over the last few months…maybe some fruits of our labor?? I’m hoping and praying that this trend continues!
Saying a prayer for you!
Thank you so much! Truly, just hearing positive, encouraging words really is – well, encouraging. My readers are such blessings to me!
Rachel,
I will be praying for you! I am sorry I didn’t see this post until today…
Have you checked for any underlying health issues? Our oldest was completely untrainable when he had allergies. After we corrected his health issues, I was blown away by how much easier he was to train. He still needed training, but the point was that he became trainABLE. Otherwise, it felt like every day was starting fresh in the worst possible way because he never learned from any sort of discipline.
I’m not saying your daughter has allergies, but maybe your family has its own health things you can seek out? (And destroy…) I have definitely learned that whenever we start having problems with a child, I check my discipline and if it has been consistent, I check allergies. Since our family is prone to allergies, I have found this to be the underlying problem every time but once.
Anyhow, I will be praying that God gives you wisdom. I know a bit about what it is like to have an untrainable child, and it is exhausting and frustrating and you feel like a failure. It’s a hard road to journey on, sister…
There are two old books on child training that are excellent. I don’t know if they are still in print but they are:
“The Little book of Christian character and manners” by William and Colleen Dedrick
and
“The Home” by Dr. John R. Rice.
Both books are invaluable for the old fashioned christian home. I own a couple of copies of each so I can give them to my children when they start families of their own.
Hope that helps!
Blessings
Mrs. White
Thank you! Mrs. White, I will look those books up; thank you for the recommendations.
Brandy, I will give allergies some thought. I haven’t seen any other indication of allergy in this child and, truly, I wouldn’t know where to start, but it’s certainly worth considering. We have wondered about a couple of specific nutrient deficiencies, too, but I don’t know that they would lead to this particular type of problem. Maybe I need to talk to someone more knowledgeable about that, too.
I’ve never read “The Home,” but we have found “The Little Book of Christian Character and Manners” to be invaluable.
You can email me if you ever want to ask questions about allergies, or read my Signs of Food Allergies post to see if she has more of the symptoms. Usually, a child will have some symptom OTHER than behavior if it is allergies (like bright red cheeks, dark circles around the eyes, food addictions–in littles this is displayed through stealing food–, etc.). It isn’t impossible to have behavior be the only reaction, but it IS rare. And you are right: nutritional deficiencies can also effect behavior (like zinc can cause angry rages).
At one point we had so many children in our church who had behavior problems associated with Red 40 that we had a special classroom where no Red 40 was allowed! It was for only a year, but it made a huge difference for those kids.
Anyhow, I will be praying for you and your husband to have wisdom. Unfortunately, when behavior has a physical/biological root, it is often like peeling an onion and there are layers upon layers of causes. Each time you peel a layer, it gets a little bit better…
Wow! Just came across your blog for the first time—-and REALLY like it!!!!!!
And I think the WAY you write is sooooooooooooooo FABULOUS!!!!!
Wish I had time to write a LOT to encourage you and build you up…..but we have a baby and a toddler and my brief Internet use during naptime is almost over. 🙂
Please know that I PROMISE to pray for you, your husband, and the rest of your family pretty often for awhile!!!!!!! And to b-e-g our Marvelous Lord to give all of you ALL you need in order to get THROUGH this with your sanity intact, and so much more!!!
Gotta run—-but I’m not the kind of person who promises to pray and then forgets, so I trust there’s comfort in that. Oh—-and that’s another thing I’m asking for for you guys: All the strength you need to endure!!!
And a quick encouragement from His Word: “Nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless.” !!!!! = 1 Corinthians 15:58
I keep this verse right in the kitchen so I can see it often!!! 🙂
And I’m gona keep THANKING the Almighty One for giving you Camp of Faith!!!!! We’re in the process, too, of needing to find a solid church with strong fellowship where we can serve AND our wee ones get what they need and deserve.
Wish I had longer ’cause I’d encourage you guys even MORE!!! Sooooooooo gratfeul FOR you all that the Lord has provided all these prayin’ people for what you’re enduring!!!!!!
Wish you lived closer, and I’d offer you free babysitting, run errands for you, and lots of other stuff. 🙂
Beggin’ the One Who INVENTED Grace itself to continue to bless and protect all y’all!
In Him,
Kim
P.S.—I’m gonna subscribe ’cause I like your blog so much!!!
I’m sorry for a third comment…..but I can’t figure out how to subscribe by E-mail. May I ask for your help with that, please?
Thanks so much!