We’ve talked about telling our little ones they’re okay, and variations on “don’t do ____.” Moving right along with our series, let’s talk about two phrases which, in a manner of speaking, are opposite sides of the same coin.  They deal with approval.

Good job!

I have to be honest; this is one of the silliest things I’ve ever heard.  I am sure approval can be overdone, to the point that it’s meaningless.  If you tell your kids they did a good job, even when they didn’t, they won’t put any stock in the phrase.  If you gush over small things, they won’t learn to differentiate between minor successes and major accomplishments.  And there is surely something to be said for praising character — including diligent effort — rather than only results.

But the rationale for tossing this phrase strikes me as rather absurd.  “The Kid Counselor” recommends instead telling the child what he did.  “You threw that ball all the way across the yard.”  “You finished your whole math assignment.”  etc.

I don’t understand the point.  That is only meaningful if there’s an implied “Good job!” In which case, why recommend against the phrase?  Why not just encourage parents to be specific?  If the phrase is not implied, the obvious response is, “Yeah.  So what?”

Chances are, the child already knows what he did.  He doesn’t need you to inform him of that.  He needs you to acknowledge that you are pleased with his accomplishments and/or his efforts.  This is a natural, inborn desire.  In fact, many adults still find themselves attempting to gain the approval of inattentive parents, even when their rational minds tell them this doesn’t make sense.

Once again, we can look to the model Father to determine the rightness of this.  The Father acknowledged the Son at His baptism:

“This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.” (Matt. 3:17b)

It is suggested that we should aim to please our heavenly Father, as well:

“Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.” (Col. 3:20, emphasis added)

And in the end, we aim to hear Him tell us “well done”:

“Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.” (Matt. 25:23)

“Well done!” sounds an awful lot like “Good job!” to me.

Practice makes perfect.

On the flip side of the coin, we have the phrase “practice makes perfect,” which has the potential to imply that perfection is to be aimed for, and nothing short of perfection will gain approval.  And once again, I believe there is balance to be sought.

But first, a “technical” note: as a musician, my husband teaches that practice does not make perfect; “perfect practice makes perfect.”  You can’t practice something incorrectly a thousand times and expect the end result to be a flawless piece.  Better to slow down and get it right and practice it only twenty times — correctly.  That’s a bit of a side note, though.

Does telling your children that “practice makes perfect” imply that nothing short of perfection will please you?  That depends.  Is that your answer to everything?  Do they understand you to be referring to literal perfection, or to excellence?  I don’t think there’s anything harmful about this phrase as long as it’s kept in its proper context and not used as a fallback for everything.

(It might be more technically precise to say, “accurate practice makes excellent,” but that’s kind of a mouthful and it doesn’t really roll off the tongue.  Maybe we could coin our own version.  “Right repetition makes you rock”?  haha)