An Attitude of Submission
Before we get into specific examples, let’s talk in generalities. What is submission? Well, I would say that…submission is when you believe that you are right and your husband is wrong, but you do what he would like you to do, anyway, out of deference to his wishes.
It won’t always be something he makes an issue of – a godly man, acting in a godly manner, will rarely tell his wife she has to do a particular thing. But they often communicate to us that they have a clear preference, and submission is going with that preference. (This is as opposed to times when they may have a minor preference, which they offer for the sake of offering input, but they really, truly don’t care which way we ultimately decide to go.)
“Fine; do what you want.”
What we have to watch out for is that we don’t badger them into “giving up” and saying, essentially, “Fine, do whatever you want.” If you’re getting this kind of response from your husband, it should be a major red flag that you were probably just very UNsubmissive. (I know this from my own experience lousing it up!) This is an especially good time to back up and do whatever your husband communicated a preference for – and after an apology and asking for forgiveness is even better.
Or, Put Another Way…
To view it from another angle, for clarity’s sake: Submission is not submission when it’s what you want to do – that’s just agreement. It’s when you don’t agree with him, but you act according to his wishes anyway that submission truly comes into play. Not that it is meaningless to act according to your husband’s wishes when you agree with him; it’s just that it doesn’t take much work!
Kind of like when Jesus asked His followers, “If you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others?” That’s good, but anyone can do it. We should be going above and beyond.
does submission work both ways…both the wife and hubby??
could too much submission bring resentment?? i believe in
compromise and communication.
but of course, what do i know. i’m divorced…haha!!
Aunt Tammy,
1 Corinth 11:3 But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
Individual Christians are called to “be in submission to one another in Christ.” This includes Brothers and Sisters. But we are talking about husbands and wives, to which Jesus said “Wives, submit, to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body Now as the church submits to Christ, so wives are to submit to their husbands in everything. ”
“submission” doesn’t work both ays for husbands and wives any more than it does for Christ and his church. One cannot be in submission to the one who is submission to them.
Resentment to submission is a heart problem at its core. It is Satan tempting you. Too much submission will not cause it, however poor leadership, poor church support, and poor examples can certainly exacerbate the issue.
Compromise and communication………A good Christian marriage will most likely have these, even if you don’t see them from outside. These are good relationship skills, but they are secular “necessities.” The bible teaches something a little different. Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. Christ communicates with us (when he wants to) and will compromise (when he wants to {see Abraham and Sodom}).
But in the end, for Christians it is all attitude of the heart. A husband should love (and lead) his wife as Christ does his church regardless of her attitude of submission.
A wife should embrace an attitude of submission REGARDLESS of whether she feels she is being loved as Christ does his church.
Submission in a nutshell, If you woudn’t/shouldnt have that attitude toward Christ, you shouldn’t have that attitude toward your husband.
God bless
Rachel,
I know I am commenting on an old post, but I just found your site while searching resources regarding Titus 2.
I read all three installments of this before commenting so that I could only make one entry.
I applaud you for even broaching this subject. most wont, even in churches. And I think you did a pretty good job. There are a couple of points I quibble with.
“Well, I would say that…submission is when you believe that you are right and your husband is wrong, but you do what he would like you to do, anyway, out of deference to his wishes.”
I believe what you describe is obedience and not submission. Although in this case it is obedience born out of the ATTITUDE of submission. (deference to his WISHES) Obedience can be obtained through forced authority, etc and it doesn’t reflect submission. Its only true submission if its done with a glad attitude, just like our submission to God.
That’s a good distinction; thank you for pointing it out.
(I also want to be clear that when I talk about submission, I’m not referring to being a doormat to abuse or to never speaking up when you disagree. We’re talking about an attitude of setting aside one’s own preferences, etc. for someone else’s.)
Yes, as you say, Abuse is a rare and special issue. Just as we would step in if someone were harming their own body, we should step in if they are harming their spouse. Unfortunately, abuse goes both ways and has many many faces.
And speaking up is as essential to being his helpmeet as accepting the final decision. The head relies on the information it receives from the body. The head cannot make good decisions if he is not getting reliable information from the Body. the head cannot take good actions if the body will not follow the instructions.
Keep up the faith, Rachel. Blessings in your marriage and life.