Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, of the National Center for Biblical Parenting, have written this guide to help parents train their children in a way that builds their internal motivation, rather than being based entirely on externals.  In other words, this is heart-oriented parenting.

The idea of parenting with the heart in mind was not new to me, but Motivate Your Child was encouraging to me in a way none of the other books I’ve read on the subject have been, because I walked away feeling equipped for the task.  Other books, like Grace-Based Parenting (which I love, by the way), do an excellent job talking about the theory of parenting, but have never gotten far enough down into the nitty-gritty for me.  I’ve always been left thinking, “Okay, but how do I do that?”

Motivate Your Child fills that gap.

Concrete

I found the book to be formulaic enough to be helpful, without being so formulaic it was mere idealism.  Every child is not the same; there is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting.  For this reason, many Christian parenting books shy away from getting too formulaic, because we can’t really say, “If you do this, this, and this, in this order, you’ll get this result.”  That is all true.  The unfortunate result, though, is that it leaves some of us floundering because we don’t innately have that “sixth sense” for nurturing.

What Turansky and Miller have done here is provided some concrete ways for talking about that “heart role” in right behavior, and about the end result we’re aiming for.  This puts “teeth” to the ideas, without being so specific it isn’t flexible.  Moreover, the examples they give are for a broad spectrum of ages and situations, and they address numerous “everyday” issues, not just defiance, which many parenting books tend to emphasize.

Is it Solid?

Some of you will be wondering if it’s doctrinally sound.  In my opinion?  Mostly.  I had some quibbles with two particular areas.  One, I’m not very comfortable with the way the authors talk about guilt.  They portray guilt as a beneficial thing.  If you read the context, I think they have the right idea in mind, but in my opinion they are conflating guilt and conviction.  I understand guilt to indicate not merely a sense of having done wrong, but also of being not in right standing before God, something that is not possible for a Christian.  (That is, we may have sinned and be under conviction, but God still considers us righteous in Christ, or inherently “not guilty.”)

Second, I found the language used with regard to salvation overly “modern” for my liking.  Lots of talk of “inviting Jesus into our hearts,” which is really not a way the Scripture speaks of salvation.

With that said, I believe the major principles of the book — primarily about focusing on the heart, training the conscience, recognizing the difference between the human conscience and the Holy Spirit, etc. — to be based on solid biblical doctrine.  And even the salvation section, although I’m not crazy about the “packaging,” ultimately gets to the heart of the matter.

Bottom Line

The bottom line is, I found this to be an immensely practical book, while still managing to focus on the heart rather than majoring on details.