Contrary to popular perceptions, patriarchy is not a dirty word.  Patriarchy is not only taught in Scripture, it’s a core element of Scripture.  What gets us into trouble is that biblical patriarchy has been perverted, and this perversion is what too many people think of as patriarchy itself.

Patriarchy is the Gospel

In Recovering from Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, Aimee Byrd quotes Carolyn Custis James as saying that “patriarchy is not the Bible’s message.”

And while, in a sense, she’s right (the Bible is about much bigger things than your family), she’s also wrong.

Patriarchy is the gospel. 

Not in the sense that the point of the Gospel is for men to lead; that’s not what I’m saying. It’s the other way around.

The great overarching message of Scripture is that God is redeeming for Himself a people who bear His Name.  Taking for Himself a bride.  Becoming a Father to the fatherless.  And lovingly leading them as they submit to His headship.

That’s what our human relationships are supposed to depict.  All fatherhood — patria — takes its name from Him.

When fathers lead, when husbands lead, when wives and children submit to that leadership, we are preaching the Gospel with our lives!

When fathers rule, they are displaying to the world that the Father rules.

Distorted Images

Unfortunately, sin has wrought havoc on this just like everything else, so that what is often presented to us as “patriarchy” is a distortion.  It’s good and right to reject the distortion!  Patriarchy itself is a good thing.  But it becomes perverted (like, incidentally, purity and courtship) when it’s abused through legalism and excess.

The correct response to this distortion is to preach against legalism, excess, and other abuses.

Pastor Sam Storms said, “the solution to the abuse of spiritual gifts is not prohibition, but correction.”  This is true, not just of “spiritual gifts,” but of all that God has given, including alcohol and patriarchy.  The solution to the abuse of God’s gifts is not prohibition, but correction.  Or, put another way, “the solution to abuse is not disuse, but proper use” (Sam Storms again).

Why does this matter so much?

It matters at two levels.  One, the heart motivations behind why we do things matter — a lot.  Not only is the heart what God is most concerned with, the attitudes behind our actions shift them in subtle ways, even though on the surface, two people with very different motivations might be taking the same basic actions.  When we focus on the things abused, rather than on the abuses, we not only vilify good things, we also fail to address a heart issue that is simply going to be carried over into other areas.

So that’s the first reason: it fails to fix the actual problem.

Getting back to patriarchy more specifically, the second level is that picture of the Gospel highlighted earlier in this post.Human marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church. The reason we should care about patriarchy (father-rule/male headship) is that we desire to honor God by making our marriages the very best picture of Christ and His Bride that we possibly can — and that is a patriarchy.

But it is a patriarchy with a loving, sacrificial (‘though firm when necessary) head.

If we’re “all about patriarchy” because we have men who want to lord it over subservient women, we’re getting it egregiously wrong, because abandoning God’s model perverts the image, whether we abandon it for the “ditch” of rebellion and absence of biblical family structure, or for the “ditch” of tyrannical, unloving “leadership.”

The biblical path is, as is so often the case, right up that balanced center.

Biblical Patriarchy is Good for the Family

True biblical patriarchy is modeled after God.  I know I’m being repetitive with that statement, but the implications for the practice of patriarchy are significant, so I want to be extra-clear about that connection.  If your version of “patriarchy” isn’t patterned after God, it’s a distortion.

Of course our primary aim is to glorify God.  But because God is a good Father and a faithful Husband, patriarchy that’s rightly patterned after God is good for the whole family.

A husband’s proper purpose is not to serve himself and make his family slaves to his own selfish desires; a husband’s proper purpose is to represent and serve the whole entity that is his household.  When he leads, and when his wife and his children follow, they all are (ideally) acting in service to the whole.  They’re all a singular, interdependent “organism,” much like Paul describes the Church as a “body.”

This unity and interdependence brings us to one of Scripture’s great “both/and” tensions.  (Pairings of concepts that seem contradictory, but which actually have to be held simultaneously, in careful tension with each other.)

All people are qualitatively equal.  That is, we are equal in value, and in our importance as people.  We all equally are image-bearers of God.  But we deceive ourselves if we think everyone can always be functionally equal — that is, having a role that is on a level with everyone else in every situation. This becomes clear the moment you attempt to be productive in a group of any kind where there’s an absence of hierarchy.  (Group projects for school, anyone?)

The body analogy illustrates this, as well.  Difference of function doesn’t convey a difference of value.  It does, however, bring order and balance and diversity to our families and communities.  In an orchestra, all the instruments are important — but they’re all very different.  In a cake recipe, the flour and sugar both matter — but they’re different.

You can’t erase the distinctions between them without destroying the whole.  A body with only noses would cease to be a functioning body.  An orchestra with only violins wouldn’t be an orchestra anymore.  A cake without the sugar wouldn’t be a cake.  This is the kind of complex beauty God created when He gave us different parts to play.

(And can you imagine suggesting the conductor is more important than the orchestra?!  He’s the one who leads it and keeps them all playing the same music at the same time, but it’s unquestionable that the instrumentalists are at least as important!)

For example, contrary to all the talk of our being “oppressed,” research shows that Christian women have better marriages and better sex. “Results suggested that despite potentially more unequal gender roles, evangelical older women may have better marital quality, perhaps due to the recent transformation of their male counterparts into authoritative, yet-supportive, ‘soft patriarchs.’ Correspondingly, these women, especially those with greater subjective religiosity or more support from a spouse, reported consistently better sexual outcomes than their counterparts in other religions.” (Source)

This may be shocking to some, but it’s unsurprising when you consider that biblical patriarchy — remember, that’s patriarchy patterned after God — calls for husbands to love their wives “as their own bodies,” “just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” (Ephesians 5:25ff)

Biblical patriarchs are generous, gentle, and self-sacrificial…because God is generous, gentle, and self-sacrificial.

Another example of this is that biblical patriarchy provides protection for women and children.  Requiring women to register for the draft is one of the stupidest ideas I’ve heard floated.  Even when considered from a purely pragmatic perspective, limiting the draft to a single gender protects families by ensuring that, in the majority of households, both parents cannot be called up at the same time.

What happens when men and women are both registered, and the draft is enacted? Total chaos. Babies cut off from their mothers’ milk. Children dumped into foster care on a wide scale because all of their normal care providers (and probably many of the “backups”) are gone. And when Mom and Dad are both killed in combat across numerous households?  This flattening of God-ordained distinctions could prove disastrous. Honoring God’s design protects families, women, and children.

Biblical patriarchs protect those given into their care.  They provide for them.  They love and serve them.  They firmly lead them away from danger and into holiness.  They join together with them to form a unified whole with a common purpose.  And they do all this for the good of the whole and the glory of God.

Patriarchy Preaches

Far from being an oppressive excuse to subjugate women, the patriarchal structure that, yes, Scripture teaches is a gracious opportunity to join with God in portraying the beauty of the redemption of Christ’s bride. 

True biblical patriarchy preaches.

Your marriage says something about God and His Bride. Your response to your marriage says something about God and His Bride. Is it speaking truth?