Are We Noticeably Feminine?
My husband and I went the other day to rent a movie for our anniversary. The man who checked us out struck us as rather effeminate and when we got to the car Michael asked me, “Was it just me or was he a little…off?” It really made me stop and think. This was not the first time I’ve encountered that type of situation. And I wouldn’t be able to specifically describe to you how a man carried himself or how he spoke that brought me to that conclusion, but I can most definitely say that he was effeminate.
It’s usually quite obvious to onlookers when a man is effeminate. It’s not nearly so obvious anymore when a woman is masculine. Society at large can see a man and think, “He’s effeminate,” but cannot see a woman and think, “She’s masculine.” Why not? I think it’s because we’re accustomed to masculine women, and we don’t really know what it means for a woman to be feminine.
I’m including myself in this. I can wear a skirt and grow my hair out long and stay at home to take care of my daughter (and put her in dresses and grow her hair out and teach her to stay home and take care of her household when she grows up), but still carry myself like a man.
If I can look at this man at the video store and immediately recognize the effeminacy in him, others should be able to look at me and just as easily see my (appropriate) femininity. Do they? I doubt it.
Femininity Can Be Learned
I also observe that most of these men have learned to be feminine, which means that femininity is learnable. So how do we learn to be inherently feminine in the way we speak and the way we carry ourselves? What exactly is it that makes that distinction? We have to know that, I think, to recapture the concept of femininity that’s been lacking for so long because we’re used to masculine women.
Femininity is learnable! Share on XWhat a shame for me as a woman that this man was more obviously “feminine” than I am!
Hi Rachel,
I didn’t know you had a blog! Yeah!
I would add to your blog here, that because of the effeminization of men, that we as a society are becoming accustomed to men that way and soon we won’t be noticing it anymore.
For instance, since having Brielle, I have occasionally watched Home and Garden while rocking/feeding her. At first, I was very put off by the feminine men on seemingly every single show, but now, I’m getting used to it and hardly notice it. Same thing with the feminine men on that show…Extreme Home Makeover.
It is learned, and we should be careful about letting our children see too much of that stuff. (note to self)
I have a neighbor who adopted his wife’s son when the boy was very little. This little boy is now grown and has the exact same mannerisms of his adoptive father. It’s uncanny. It’s hard to exactly describe but he holds himself the same, walks the same, all the nuances of body language. We need to be careful that our little boys are given over to their fathers to emulate at a very young age and not hold onto them and let them be mama’s boys. “Mama’s boy” meant in an unhealthy way.
Interesting I’m going back to make my older posts “pinnable,” and read back through this comment now, as now we do have a little boy! Thank you for the reminder. 🙂
“We need to be careful that our little boys are given over to their fathers to emulate at a very young age and not hold onto them and let them be mama’s boys.”
Good observation! (You may have to remind me of that someday, since I don’t HAVE any little boys yet. 🙂 ) It’s also a reminder to me that the sooner I can retrain myself in FEMININE mannerisms, the better, because Ariel will pick up mine. I don’t want her to have to retrain herself; I want her to have it right to start with!