For D, we’re talking about Dating our spouses — that is, actively growing our marriages.  There’s a marriage category in the upcoming Homemaking Bundle.  Cultivate What Matters also has a whole workbook specifically about setting goals in marriage, although I haven’t seen it myself.

Let’s talk about some of the challenges and assumptions with regard to dating in marriage.

Is Dating Necessary for a Healthy Marriage?

First, the big question.  Is dating necessary for a healthy marriage?  A lot of people will say yes.  I say it depends on how you define “date.”  Is it essential to go on dates of the variety you probably went on before you were married?  Probably not.  Nice, yes.  Beneficial, probably.  Essential, probably not.

It is, however, critical to spend time together, nurturing your relationship.  If you never spend time together, a relationship can’t help but stagnate.  (Note that I’m not talking about extenuating circumstances like spouses who are deployed or traveling regularly for work.  You need to work at connecting, too, but you just do the best you can with letters, Skype, etc. whenever you’re able.  There’s a difference between unavoidable absence and avoidance.) 

Traditional Dates

Traditional, going-out-somewhere dates are what most of us immediately think of when it comes to “dating.”  It’s nice to have these periodically, even if it’s just for an anniversary, when “real” dates aren’t feasible on a regular basis.  The Dating Divas have a variety of creative ideas, with a range of costs.  (So for those on very limited budgets — there’s still something here for you.)  Many of these are at-home dates (see below), but many are going-out dates.  I really want to try the bookstore date sometime!  (The bookstore is actually our anniversary “standard” anyway, but this adds a fun twist.)

They even have some long-distance date ideas for those of you with deployments, etc.

If you’re avid moviegoers, check out MoviePass.  (I don’t use it, because I’m not a big movie attender, but my sister likes hers.)

At-Home Dates

Let’s face it, once you have kids, they can make regular date nights a challenge.  Especially if you have little ones and either the babysitting fees are stacking up, or you just aren’t comfortable leaving them with a babysitter.  That’s okay; you can have date night at home.

Even old standbys like “dinner and a movie” can happen at home.  But think about what you like to do, and/or what might be special, and see what you can recreate.  Buy, rent, or stream a new movie.  Cook dinner together, if that’s your thing, or get delivery or carryout.  (Even some “real” restaurants have pickup.  We like to pick up from Outback Steakhouse.)  Put on some music and “go” dancing.  Play a board game, card game, or Wii game.

If it’s nice out, sit on the porch.  If you have older kids and you’re comfortable leaving the kids alone as long you don’t go far, hold hands and walk around the block.

Plan ahead to see what “little luxuries” you might be able to buy to make your time together more special, even if it’s “just at home.”  Do you have a favorite treat?  A movie snack that makes a DVD feel more like “going to a movie”?  Dressy clothes?  Flowers, chocolate, or wine?

I also recently discovered Date Night in a Box!  It’s new enough on my radar that I haven’t had a chance to try it myself yet, but it looks really good.

Conversation

I don’t know about you, but as much as I can talk (ask my family; I can talk! haha), if we sit down “to have a conversation,” I can come up blank.  It can just be awkward when you feel like “now it’s time to talk.”  Conversation starters can come in handy, either to jump-start things in general, or even just to get you talking about topics you usually wouldn’t.  Maybe they’re more significant than what you usually talk about — or maybe they’re sillier/more playful than what you usually talk about!

Here’s a list from To Love, Honor, and Vacuum, which is a source I trust.  There are others, though, from the silly to the serious.  Would You Rather? questions can be a fun option, too.

Although perhaps not strictly “date” content, make time to pray together, too.  If you aren’t already doing this, you’ll be surprised by how much closer you become by praying together regularly.

In the Bedroom

Of course, don’t forget to have sexy time.  If you need help in this area, To Love, Honor, and Vacuum is a fabulous resource — very frank, but honoring.

If you want something special to “up the ante” on occasion, this computer game is highly customizable.  You can write your own “cards” and you can remove anything you’re not comfortable with.  (Note: if you’re a newlywed, or if you’re struggling with your sexual relationship, I encourage you to work on getting it solidly established first, before you introduce any “extras” like this.) 

What are your favorite tips or resources for dating your spouse?  Share in the comments.