Read part 1.
Read part 2.
Moving on to the final section of the book by Helen Andelin…

This is the portion which discusses what it means to be feminine: feminine mannerisms, carriage, speech, etc. This is a subject I would love to see addressed thoroughly (so much so, in fact, that I am working on research to write such a book), but from a biblical perspective. It is no good to discuss femininity if our definition of femininity is flawed, and any discussion of femininity which includes either silliness or lack of maturity is not in keeping with the Scripture’s portrayal of a godly woman. As with the previous section, there are are some good things to be gleaned, but we have to be especially wary not to buy into the trap of manipulation, which is even more clearly evident in this section of the book.

Chapter 12 talks about “deep inner happiness.” Aside from a minor quibble with the terminology (what the author describes is really peace) and with the offhand dismissal of all alcohol as a vice to be avoided completely (which I happen to do, but which is not biblically mandated), this chapter is very good.

The following chapter covers “a worthy character.” In general, good character is, well, good. 🙂 We do find some issues here, though. First, we again find the arrogant view that women are inherently better than men, along with the inaccurate view of the angelic: “…a woman, who has always been regarded as the more angelic creature of the human race…”

Second, we have the suggestion of unsubmission when we believe our husbands to be wrong. (I might add that submission is not submission when we believe they are right; that’s agreement. So if we do not submit when we believe them to be wrong, we are not submissive at all.)

At times a man will shake a woman’s pedestal by suggesting she do something wrong. He does this deliberately to see if she is as worthy as she appears. What a disappointment if she lowers her standards and what a joy if she remains unshaken. Remaining on the pedestal when she is shaken is further proof that she belongs there.

The following page discusses “self-mastery” (self-control). This is difficult to express without copying the whole section, but this topic is treated in a very “psychological” sort of way, minimizing Christianity to the level of a compartmentalized tool – a sort of “dead” thing to be used, rather than a living relationship which touches every part of our lives. Unselfishness, humility, honesty, and chastity are all discussed as well, and seem to be “sound” until the last portion of the chastity discussion. The author says that:

The Holy Scriptures warn, “If any shall commit adultery in their hearts, they shall not have the spirit, but shall deny the faith and shall fear.”

This verse is not in the Bible; it is apparently taken from a Mormon text called “Doctrine and Covenants.” This part of the book also concludes that anyone who ever commits adultery at any point will be cut off on judgment day, taking several passages of Scripture out of their intended context, and presumes that every great nation which has fallen has fallen specifically as a result of sexual sin. Please note that I am not in favor of sexual sin – just accuracy!

The text goes on to discuss patience, moral courage, and benevolent service before coming to self-dignity. Most of this is good, as well, with the exception of a passing comment that “each woman is a child of God.” This is not Scripturally accurate.

But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name: who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God. (Jn. 1:12-13)

Finally, the chapter discusses “the gentle, tender quality,” and responsibility.

Chapter 14 is about the “domestic goddess.” I have major issues with the terminology here, but only minor ones with the actual content. There is another offhand comment about the evil of alcohol, but that’s relatively insignificant. The only “real” problem I see in this chapter is the following comment:

This does not mean that he be allowed to be slovenly to the point of imposing on you…

This, too, is a lack of submission. Tossing clothes on the floor and similar actions are not sinful, and a husband should have free reign in his home. It may be maddening for him to do this, and it would certainly be more considerate for him not to impose, but it is wrong on our part to expect our husbands to refrain from imposing on us.

Chapter 15 is about the feminine appearance and, again, is mostly good, although the author does advocate having an “all-absorbing pride in your appearance,” which is rather self-centered and out of balance.

Chapter 16 is about the feminine manner. I don’t find many of the suggestions to be “absolutes,” but they are helpful for those of us who have been raised in a “unisex” society.

Chapter 17 is about feminine dependency. More Christian women could do with more of this quality! We are told in this chapter, among other things, not to subdue fear. I think this is poor choice of words. Fear (in the sense in which it’s used here) is a biblically undesirable emotion, and I think we should attempt to subdue it – that is, get it under control so it doesn’t control us. However, we should not attempt to hide it from our husbands; we should be honest when we are afraid.

Chapters 18, about “radiant happiness” (cheerfulness), and 19, about “fresh radiant health,” are good.

Chapter 20 is about “childlikeness” and is the single worst chapter in the entire book. While the author admits that childlikeness and childishness are not synonymous, she fails to discern the difference, and much of what she advocates here is childish immaturity. I find some of the suggestions here truly amazing:

Next time you are angry with your husband, why not try some childlike mannerisms: Stomp your foot, lift your chin high, and square your shoulders….

Amazingly, it keeps going, even concluding that we should “turn on the drama.” Ladies, this is manipulation. Not only that, the portion I quoted above is rebellious. Mrs. Andelin goes on to tell us to exaggerate, which is a form of dishonesty. In case we are “resisting” this “childlike anger,” she reminds us that “as a child this response was natural to you.” But what is natural and what is godly are usually – as in this case – two different things. I would not consider this to be acceptable behavior from my four-year-old. If she stomped her foot, set her jaw, and squared her shoulders, she would be disciplined swiftly for her insolence. How much less is this appropriate for a grown woman who should have matured past this!

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. (1 Cor. 13:11)

The following quote:

…in the process of becoming angels, we are still human beings…

makes very clear the author’s incorrect doctrine regarding angels.

Later we are told how to respond if the husband is the one who is angry. One solution is to, at some point, teach him the techniques of childlike anger, so he can learn to express himself “in a more appropriate way.” Again, we see arrogance and a setting up of oneself as the teacher of one’s husband. This is not submission. If we are guilty, we are told:

Tend to agree with him by saying, “Oh, that was so stupid of me,” or “How have you put up with me all of this time?” These expressions are childlike because they are … exaggerated and amusing.

This exaggeration suggests insincerity, or a flippancy about an action or event which is obviously important to the husband. A tool which Mrs. Andelin does not ever seem to advocate (I don’t know whether she finds it unfeminine or simply never thought of it) is simple, direct honesty. What man will fail to be pleased by, “You’re right; I did that and it was wrong. Will you forgive me?”

Shortly afterward, “childlike hurt” is discussed.

The best way to express ourselves when hurt is to again copy the mannerisms of little children.

Again, how about simple honesty? “That really hurt.” Or a simple refusal to cover up our innate desire for tears with anger. (I have a strong tendency to be guilty of that one, as anger doesn’t seem as “vulnerable” as hurt. But “vulnerable” is feminine!)

This section about childlikeness, which is so strongly manipulative and immature, may not comprise a large portion of the text, but the author says:

I must stress that it is one of the most important parts of Fascinating Womanhood.

Chapter 21 offers additional ways to be childlike, and some of them are good. (For examples, asking for things: we finally see a recommendation of simple honesty, and just asking.) The suggestion of what to do if he gives you a gift you don’t like is just ridiculous, though.

…she may make the mistake of showing disappointment, criticizing it, returning it, exchanging it, or putting it away and not using it. These actions are unforgivable….Whatever the gift, be sure to use it, at least for a while. (original emphasis)

This is crazy. Any reasonable man who gives a woman a gift will want her to be able to use/enjoy it, rather than effectively lying to him about liking it. (We are, after all talking about our husbands here, not some mere acquaintance or distant cousin.) Certainly we should appreciate the giver, and the thought behind the gift, but gentle honesty is not out of line. (After all, what was the thought behind the gift? “Boy, I hope this clutters up her house?” Or “I want to provide her with something she’ll love?”)

“Teasing playfulness” is another aspect of childlikeness which the author discusses. I am not opposed to teasing when it’s appropriate, but Mrs. Andelin seems to advocate it as a means of avoiding uncomfortable situations.

You can use this “coquettish” response when a man is overly serious, stern or cross with you, or when he “sits you down” to give you a lecture….If you will notice, the first thing Babbie did was to change the subject… (original emphasis)

How rude and disrespectful! If my husband believes something is important enough that we need to sit down and talk about it, what does it say for me to just “play”? And how can I show him respect by changing the subject and refusing to even give any attention to the matter at hand? I can’t. Again, this is not behavior I would even accept from my four-year-old.

The final “childlike” trait which I find to be unbiblical is number 10 – “changefulness.”

If she is unpredictable and he cannot quite count on her mood or her reaction in a situation, she is a more fascinating woman.

We are instructed in Scripture to be “sober” or “sensible” or “discreet” (depending on your translation). This sobriety is the direct opposite of the changefulness recommended here. It means a sort of steadfastness. An unpredictable woman may be more fascinating, but she is less godly. A prostitute is usually fascinating, but we wouldn’t want to emulate her. We should be pursuing godliness, not “fascinatingness.”

My final problem is found in the summary:

Each partner is expected to give ninety percent.

No; each partner is expected to give one hundred percent. Each of us in commanded in Scripture to our part, regardless of whether our spouses are doing theirs. We wives are told to submit, to respect, to obey, period. We are not told to submit “if your husband is right,” to respect him “if he loves you,” or to obey, “if he’s doing his part.”

For a biblical discussion of submission and a wife’s role/responsibilities, with a very practical emphasis, I recommend Created To Be His Help Meet. (Please note that some sections may not be appropriate for unmarried young ladies.)