“Do unto others what you would have them do unto you.” You might know this as the “Golden Rule.” Did you know that Jesus said it? And let me tell you a little secret: “others” includes your children.

Granted, this is accompanied by the reality that our children are children; they don’t always know what’s best for them or (think they) want what’s best for them. Part of making it easy for your kids to respect you is acting like the authority that you are: setting boundaries, following through on what you say, etc.

But we also have numerous opportunities throughout our days to treat our children with the dignity and courtesy we, ourselves, would appreciate receiving. And children find it much easier to respect parents who respect them. (Part of that is just because they dislike us if we treat them dismissively. Part of it is because when we treat them with respect, we’re modeling the respect we want them to learn.)

Sometimes parents are inclined toward disrespecting their children because of a mistaken understanding of respect. They haven’t separated the version of “respect” that is respect for an office or position (authority) from the version of respect that is treating others with dignity and courtesy — so they wrongly think they should withhold courtesy from anyone they deem to be lower in rank.

But, often, we disrespect our kids because we simply don’t think about it. So let me offer some everyday examples of ways we can show respect for our children. (Keep in mind that these are all generalizations. There may be particular occasions when the circumstances necessitate trumping these.)

Keep them in the loop.

Most people find it frustrating to have no knowledge of what’s coming. Kids don’t like it, either, if they have to guess what they’re going to be asked to do with their days and weeks. Having a routine helps some with this — if they know that you consistently go to church on Sunday, run errands on Thursdays, etc., that helps them know what to expect.

But if you have plans that are going to involve them — places you’re going to go, company coming over, projects or large tasks you’re going to expect them to participate in — it’s a courtesy to let them know this ahead of time. Keep this age-appropriate. A sixteen-year-old might need to know major plans weeks or even months in advance, to accommodate work schedules. Two-year-olds have a poor grasp of time; they don’t need to know all of your plans weeks in advance. But if your toddler usually spends her afternoons playing, and this afternoon something is going to interfere with that, it will be less frustrating (for the child and for you, most likely) if she knows that in advance.

Bonus: This forms the foundations of teaching your children how to plan.

Give them warning.

Closely related, maybe to the point that this could be considered a subset of keeping them in the loop, is to give ample warning. Do you want to be mid-paragraph in your book, five minutes from the end of your movie, or elbows-deep in bread dough, and have someone tell you that you have to abandon what you’re doing, now, and leave the house or move on to another project?

Sometimes it can’t be helped. If someone fell and is bleeding, you might not have the luxury of finishing the chapter before dealing with it. But, realistically, most situations don’t call for quite such an immediate shift. You can take the few minutes to finish the page or the chapter, watch the end of the movie, get the bread into the pans, or whatever is the logical stopping point for the current activity.

Whenever possible, give your kids the opportunity to stop at natural stopping points. If you have to leave at a certain time, or if you need them for something, this might mean you need to give them a 5-minute, 10-minute, or 15-minute warning, so they have time to wrap up and so they know not to delve into another “next big thing.” Five minutes to wrap up with their friends at the playground, the chance to get to the end of the book chapter or the end of a video game level (or not be mid-boss fight), etc. will help your kids feel seen and respected and valued as members of the family.

Respect their belongings.

Here’s where a lot of people’s hackles will go up. “It’s my house; everything in it is mine.” “They’re my kids, living under my roof; I can go through their stuff if I want to. In fact, it’s my responsibility as a parent.”

Yes…but also no. There’s a balance here.

It is 100% your prerogative — and responsibility — as a parent to be aware of what’s going on in your kids’ lives. You also maintain the right to confiscate things if that’s necessary for disciplinary reasons. None of that translates to how you handle your children’s belongings and personal spaces during ordinary times when they’re not giving you any cause for concern.

We don’t need to “lord it over” our children’s belongings in order to “prove” our authority. (If that feels necessary to you, chances are, you’re failing to gain respect for other reasons.) We can — and should — take good care of our children’s things, and not reorganize them without warning, without running afoul of any legitimate need to, say, check the bedroom of a teen we think might be stashing drugs.

In fact, if you generally treat your child’s things well, and don’t needlessly move them around, it’s likely to go more smoothly if you ever do have a real need to go through their things. And this kind of mutual respect tends to minimize the need for it.

If you want to be able to find your keys and your purse/wallet when you have somewhere to be, if you want to be able to find your hairbrush when you need to get ready to go, if you want to be able to find the whisk when you’re in the middle of dinner prep and need it…keep that in mind and consider that your child probably also wants to be able to find his belongings when he needs them. (Of course, if the child is leaving them all lying around the house, this dynamic changes a little bit. There’s a difference between putting something away and changing where “away” is.)

Don’t interrupt.

I don’t know about you, but I hate it when someone starts talking to me while I’m right in the middle of reading or watching something. It’s not that I mind stopping what I’m doing; it’s that I didn’t know to stop what I was doing, so usually that means the person talking to me is halfway through whatever it is they wanted to say before I realize they’re talking to me and redirect my attention — and then I have to make them start all over. It’s frustrating for us both.

So I’ve taught my kids to wait for my attention the same way they would if I were talking to someone physically present in the room. That enables me to reach a stopping point (end-of-the-paragraph type of stopping point, not next-chapter kind of stopping point), and them to have my full attention from the start of their first sentence.

I do the same for them.

Just because I’m the mom shouldn’t (usually) mean I don’t need to wait until they can pause their podcast or video, look up from their page, or complete their turn in the card game they’re playing with siblings.

Pay attention and ask yourself the question.

There are other odd opportunities here and there. Make it a habit to ask yourself how you would want to be treated in the same situation, and you’ll find them.

Just this morning, we had a similar scenario. We have a child who’s been working on shifting her schedule, so she’s supposed to be getting up at a particular time. My husband was coming through just before that time, and asked the kids who were already up if they knew if she had her alarm set, because he didn’t want to wake her up five minutes before her alarm.

These seem like small things. And most of them are, as one-time occurrences. But when you’re a child and things like this are happening all day, every day, they add up. Are they adding up to a child’s feeling like he’s a thing, to be used for whatever purposes suit you, or are they adding up to a child’s feeling like he’s a person of value?