While going through My Documents folder the other day, I found this article of mine.

1 Corinthians 14:35 says:

“If [women] want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home.” (NKJV)

There is much controversy in the church over how this passage practically applies regarding order in the church meeting. I believe, however, that there’s an additional purpose for this instruction. I often hear women lament the fact that their husbands are not mature spiritual leaders in their homes. The instruction in 1 Corinthians 14:35, properly carried out, is a safeguard to keep us under spiritually capable heads. It also aids us in the responsibility of respecting our husbands.

What Not to Do

It’s tempting, when our husbands aren’t immediately responsive or enthusiastic, to go elsewhere for answers. For example, it’s easy for me to head for an internet discussion board, book, or individual who is particularly knowledgeable about the subject in question if my husband doesn’t have a ready answer.  This is exactly what I (generally) need to avoid! Consider the effects of this approach: I am consciously growing in a particular area, while my husband does not. This sets me up to get “ahead” of him, which cripples his ability to lead and teach me. I am also nurturing a disrespect of my husband, as I mentally belittle his ability to lead me.

What to Do Instead

The alternative is to, “ask [my] own husband.” If he knows the answer, he is immediately raised in my estimation; my respect for him grows. This respect is my biblical duty and, in turn, causes him to desire even more to do his best for me. If he doesn’t know the answer, he should find it. This may require patience on my part, but it has a couple of benefits.

The first is that it allows him to protect me — to be my covering. By finding the answers for me, he is able to shield me from any false doctrine which may be present in the materials he searches. Finding the answers for me also ensures that he stays one step ahead of me. He grows in the area of interest then comes back and teaches me, rather than my growing “past” him.

What to Do When It’s Not So Easy

What do you do if your husband doesn’t have an answer to your question and doesn’t seem interested in finding the answer? The first thing I would recommend is to humbly let him know that the question is important to you. He may not realize that the question is a key issue for you; he may think it is simply a matter of passing curiosity.

If he still is not willing to find you an answer, and you really do need one, you will have no choice but to find an answer somewhere else, but ask his permission to inquire of someone else. Tell him who you plan to talk to and ask him if he minds your asking that person. If he says no, don’t ask. Just pray. Even if your husband gives you permission to ask someone else, pray that the Lord would give him a desire to teach you. Your intent throughout should be to honor your husband’s God-given right to be the one to teach you.

Lest anyone should think I’m saying that a woman should not read and study the Bible for herself, let me assure you that is not the case! Our salvation is individual and we each have our own relationships with the Father. This being the case, we are each individually responsible for developing those relationships through prayer and Bible study.

There will be times, however, when what we’re reading just doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t “click.” There will be times when we don’t understand something the pastor said in his sermon. There will be times when things come up in conversation or in everyday life that we can’t reconcile with what we already think we know. At these times, we should ask our husbands to teach us.