Many thanks to HarperCollins Christian Publishing for providing this product/product information for review. Opinions are 100% my own. I did receive the product in exchange for this review and post.
When I first heard about The Flirtation Experiment, I was intrigued for two reasons. One — the title. I’m not very good at flirting; I’m too blunt and direct by nature for this to come easily for me. So the idea of a book to help me add some flirtation into my “everyday marriage,” as the authors call it, was appealing.
Second was, in fact, the authors. Or author. I wasn’t familiar with Phylicia Masonheimer prior to this, but Lisa Jacobson’s husband has visited at my parents’ house on several occasions. I’ve met him, conversed with him, had family dinner with him…so I know him to be a good guy and her, by proxy, to be a good woman, and wanted to hear what she had to say on this topic.
What is The Flirtation Experiment?
So what are we talking about here? The book, The Flirtation Experiment: Putting Magic, Mystery, and Spark Into Your Everyday Marriage, is the testimony of the flirtation experiment these two ladies carried out in their own marriages — along with what they learned and suggestions for how you (and I) can do it, too.
“Flirtation” experiment is, in my opinion, a little bit of a misnomer, because it’s broader than that. Not everything in here is what I would consider to be “flirtation.” It’s all marriage-building/relationship-building, though.
This is probably a good time to point out that the authors are careful to specify that it “is not intended as a fix for abusive, manipulative, sinful husbands, or as a tract of biblical proof texts as to why the Christian wife should persevere in a destructive relationship.” It’s written for “healthy but sometimes complacent marriages.”
(Personally, I think it can potentially also be beneficial for less-healthy-but-safe marriages, because it isn’t intended as a “fix” for anything; it’s just encouragement for wives to love their husbands well. And it’s hard to go wrong loving your husband well, unless the situation is extreme.)
More About The Flirtation Experiment
The authors’ goal is that when you’ve read the book, you will (bulleted list is quoted from the page linked above and below):
• be filled with hope and encouragement for how [you] can make a powerful, positive change in [your] marriages,
• become empowered to pursue [your] husbands romantically,
• understand the Bible invites women to be proactive in their marriages,
• be motivated to consistently love in creative ways, and
• forge closeness and intimacy in [your] marriages.
It does this through describing a series of thirty experiments. Lisa and Phylicia take turns describing the experiments they did in their marriages around the ideas of Affection, Passion, Playfulness, Kindness, Desire, Adventure, Laughter, Celebration, Attraction, Connection, Vulnerability, Mystery, Affirmation, Refuge, Friendship, Delight, Respect, Romance, Intimacy, Blessing, Generosity, Rest, Thoughtfulness, Comfort, Faith, Tenderness, Covenant, Hope, Healing, and Joy.
In each chapter, its author describes what she did, why she did it, and what the outcome was. There’s even a small snippet from the husband in each chapter giving his perspective.
One really unique — and helpful — aspect of this book is that, because it’s authored by two women, we get to see a glimpse of how the different personalities and backgrounds of the ladies and their husbands create different dynamics. Each one of us has different styles, strengths, and struggles.
Solo-authored books can sometimes leave readers feeling like there’s a one-size-fits-all formula for a strong marriage, but this duo lets us get a peek at how one husband might be indifferent to something that’s very meaningful for another man. One wife might find something to be very stretching that comes easily to someone else. What’s enjoyable for one couple might be tedious or terrifying for another.
There’s just enough of that here to help us see that what works well in one marriage might not be very helpful for another, which makes it easier (I think) to feel comfortable switching things up as needed.
Love for the Right Reasons
Along similar lines, there’s an important caveat here: you can’t do any of these experiments with the goal of changing your guy or getting a certain response out of him. While offering love will frequently result in positive response, people are…well, people. They don’t always behave in predictable ways, and we can only control our own behavior. If you engage in things like this with expectations of your spouse, that’s a setup for resentment and/or disappointment.
It’s best to just love well for the sake of loving well, and see any positive response as a bonus.
Want a Copy?
Visit the book’s page at Thomas Nelson to learn more, download preview chapters, and find links to order from all your favorite book sellers. (The page has a disco-esque flashing background, so if you’re prone to migraines or seizures, you might want to bypass the page and head straight to Amazon, Barnes & Noble, etc. or your local bookstore.)
Enter to win your own copy via the Rafflecopter widget below. (If you’re viewing this in a feed reader or something and can’t see the widget, you might need to click through to the actual blog post.)
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